Welcome to HOLLYWOOD

So today I went to Hollywood to book my room at the Hollywood Highland Hotel & Hostel. And before you create any image in your heads as to what this place looks like let me tell you how the first, no joke, 1 minute played out. It went a little something like this.

Hi, I'm looking for Richard. My Name is Mike Dudek. I made a reservation to stay here for two weeks.

We don't offer two week stays.

Oh really, the man on the phone said that wouldn't be a problem.

I mean you can stay for weeks, but you have to pay up front and what happens if you don't like it?

...

This is when I turned my head to look around at what I had gotten myself into, my eyes stopped at a cardboard cutout of "mini me" with a piece of paper tapped over his hand as if he was supposed to be holding it which had "Welcome to Hollywood" written on it with marker.



Then a cleaning woman comes into Richard's office, Richard is the manager, and hands him a box of chinese food. He opens it. Takes a second and says, "Is this tofu?" I give them a moment to finish as I keep staring at mini me. And this is when shit gets really fucked up. Out from behind the cut out of mini me runs out a real midget, except this man looks like Mr. T. Middle aged, african american, mohawk, wearing nothing but his underwear and a gold chain. He storms into the office, with let's say a swagger, reaches up and takes the carton of chinese food right as they are arguing whether what they are pointing at is egg or tofu, says "that's my tofu" and bolts.

At this point in time I agree to only stay for a week, instead of two, hand over some money and Richard shows me to my room, the facilities, and the smoking area. As fucked up an image you may have in your head as to visually what this place looks like, it's probably not even close to reality. Allow me to plant a visual clue, in my room there are two posters. One of a portrait of Einstein, and right next to it is a second poster of birdman and lil john, a "like father like son poster".











And now I'm at the back at the studio in Downtown, wishing I still had work's credit card to pay for a boring room at the downtown Marriot.

Then again maybe not.